My child: ‘Mummy, what does surrender mean?’
I was floored for a moment. Ummmm, I drew a blank. All I could think of was explaining surrendering in battle. I knew why she had asked what it meant and I couldn’t bring up battles. I had said on the phone to a friend that I had experienced a breakthrough in my grieving process, I had surrendered to the grief and now I wasn’t fighting it, just accepting it.
So how to explain to a little girl, one I wanted to instill with a powerful message that she was enough, that surrender did not necessarily mean losing the battle. Sometimes it was simply letting life take it’s course. I asked her to give me some time to explain. She is the patient one so she was fine with that. Unwittingly, she surrendered to my need for time.
The answer came to me as I stood on the shoreline at the beach tonight, the children playing happily behind me with the puppy, a new book in my hand, the sun setting. I was in the flow, I had relaxed and my brain had stopped its constant churning and whirring. I got that sense of peace I crave on busy days.
They called out a playful warning, echoing back my own words about being careful or I would get wet. It struck me so suddenly, my unconscious gave me the answer as it will always do when my logical brain gets out of the way. I called her over, marveled at her bright eyes shining back at me. She does love to get singled out for some special one-on-one time.
Me: ‘My heart, surrender means standing at the edge of the ocean and letting the waves decide if you get wet or not.’
She completely and utterly understood. She gave a murmur of understanding, kicked at an incoming wave, smiled up at me and nodded. Of course it does. Off she went, wiser than I had been at 36 years old just a few moments before.
The fact is, my life is at a point of unknown at the moment. I have been trying to work out how I will achieve what I want to in the future after some big life changes and I was trying to micromanage the steps. However, I’d had this strong message from my gut, along with a fantastic peer mentor group session, of what to do.
Just let go of how it was going to happen and open up my unconscious mind to what I wanted to happen. Then surrender to the process. You see, in business and life we are told to make plans. 1 year plans, 2 year plans, 5 year plans, 10 year plans. Then make an action list, tick it off, and we will get there. That is, if things always go to plan, we don’t get bored or change our minds along the way.
I have always got bored or changed my mind along the way. Always. And things have never gone to plan. Never.
I have a plan now though that I think will work. But there is no timeframe. It is simply my intention for my life.
I surrender to my intention.
I want to be happy. I want to experience adventure. I want to live authentically and connected with a community. I want to make a difference to women’s lives and I want to do it through writing and facilitating. I am willing to work hard, with the proviso it is with passion. I want to share what I have learned about breaking the rules and going with your own flow. I want to teach. I want to dance, I want to learn, I want to grow…forever.
I also know what I don’t want, from past experiences. I don’t want to be tied to a 9–5 every day, or an office desk. I don’t want to have to work until I am 75 just to make ends meet. I don’t want to do things or own things I’m not passionately in love with just for money or prestige. I don’t want to be in a relationship that doesn’t embrace me for who I am, however I am, in that moment. I am happy to be alone at times, but I don’t want to be isolated. I must live within walking distance of a decent café and be friends with a barista. Material possessions and money must never come before people. I can’t be apart from nature or creativity.
This will all lead me to a life where I have abundance. I will be fulfilled, loved and content. I will have a loving home life, wonderful friends and leave a legacy that will continue to shape lives for the better. Some material details are in there too, I would love a kombi van and to own a cottage with a rambling garden and big trees by a river not too far from the beach. I wanted a dog that was part guardian angel. I have that now. I want evenings in my home spent in the arms of someone who loves me, and I them, surrounded by people relaxing and completely at home wherever they are. I want children who go with the flow and thrive. The key to this plan is the details are blurred, but the feelings are strong.
Feel it. Then Surrender.
I don’t know how I will get this or exactly what it will look like, but I know it is coming. I continue to choose to do the things that feel right and take baby steps according to my instincts. I listen to my body, I never listen to my mind. In this one, mind must be quiet and surrender to the opportunities that exist but are unknown. The body, namely the heart, will work it out and give us the signals on what way to go, what action to take, what not to do.
For example, I recently got offered a 6 figure job working for a great company. But it wasn’t where my passion was and it was a 9–5, stuck in an office. Something felt off, so I said no. It didn’t fit my feelings or my intention for how I’d live my life. I chose my ‘plan’ over money, even though there is no other next step yet.
So this is a bit of magic for those that are in a rut. For the over thinkers, the forward planners, the micromanagers, the stress heads and the worriers.
Stop with the planning and focus on how you will feel when you get what you want. Then work on feeling that way now. Let your intuition guide you on how to get there, let the universe work it’s magic.
Say you want to have more money than you know what to do with and a really loving partner who adores you. Me too. Instead of hunting around for money and a partner, start hunting around for how that will make you feel. After all if the hunting for what you want hasn’t worked (yup, hasn’t for me), what harm is there in giving this way a go?
Will it make you feel happy? Safe? Content? Abundant? Relaxed? Joyful? Generous? Can you feel these things now, in some way, without that money or that partner? I bet you can. So go feel that way and surrender to the fact you don’t know how you will get there. Trust your unconscious mind will let you know in due course what to do, when you surrender and let the ocean decide if you will get wet or not.
I see you.